sleepless at changi

You know the trip is going to be an adventure when you start off with an overnighter in the airport of your own country. Yes, I did it again - I missed my flight. Work crisis, habitual lack of punctuality (this habit really needs to get out of my life pronto) and the horrendous taxi/traffic situation did it. Amazing race style, I planted my ass at the nearest Starbucks, plugged my batteryless iPhone in to charge, and booked the next flight out on my iPad. (I've already checked out the cheapest flight while stuck in the cab.) Thank goodness for technology.

With 12 hours to spend at the airport because I refuse to brave the commute to and fro the ends of tiny little Singapore, I sat at Starbucks people-watching, had my dinner with my huge backpack and pretended to be a traveller on a long hurl adventure. Later on, of all people, it was a colleague whom I met at work and have spoken to for a grand total of 10 times who came to pass time with me. At quarter life, they always tell you that it gets exceedingly difficult to make friends. But where I am, I keep finding myself surprise after surprise.

Anyway, quarter life crisis stuff aside and back to Changi, I was expecting the place to be magical after hours. I had imagined it to be a sacred place of transit, where tired travelers rest in comfort, but it wasn't. People were sprawled over hard benches and dark corners, pretty much like any other airport I've been to and slept in all around the world. The only difference is probably the police coming around to check your passport at 4am when you have a shawl over your face.

But there still is magic - straddling a space that's neither here nor there, everyone 's poised for flight. This is where the sleepless have dreams - of bathing under a waterfall, of reuniting with a loved one, of swimming with sharks in blue oceans, of starting on a new job in a new city, of walking on ancient ruins under the moonlight.

Then morning dawns and everyone moves on. A flurry of activity as people pack up their makeshift sleeping bags and rub the sleep out of their eyes. Bedsheets are transformed into scarves and pillows into backpacks. Shutters of duty-free shops are rolled up with a metallic twang. The morning light streams in through the huge slanted glass panes. The majestic birds of titanium remain in stillness, quietly awaiting orders to take flight.

I took a deep breath to take it all in, and thus ended my adventure in the space of in-betweens, and started on the first step towards a new one.

i love flying

I love flying. I love the moment when the plane lifts off the ground and quite suddenly, we are defying gravity. I love soaring above cities and tracing the outlines of the land against the deep blue oceans. I love how the ships and ferries leave streaks of white in the shimmering blue. I love being amongst the fat white clouds which make up the landscape of this alter world. I love the anticipation of emerging into a different universe while the whole time it feels like we've been in limbo, not moving at all. I love the international chatter going on all around me, people from all over the world converging at this point, which is really in the middle of nowhere. I love recalling the last phone call in the +65, imagining life going around around the small gap I've left, like a stream flowing around a bedrock. I love falling asleep to the lull of the engine and waking up in a new country.

YOLO

Lately, I've been having many of those YOLO moments. Until recently, I wasn't quite cool enough to know what YOLO actually stands for. For the longest time, I'd thought it was one of those new words invented by the Internet, to express some nuanced expression through a combination of random letters. 

I ruminated for some time, and decided that I love the expression. YOLO is loud; it's a shoutout to the world, "HEY! LOOK! I'm doing whatever the hell I want because I want to." YOLO is fun; it's throwing caution to the wind and living in the here and now. YOLO is the zeitgeist of our generation. 

What has YOLO meant for me? In my newfound freedom, I discovered a girl who is 24 and gainfully employed, with time and money to spend on herself and the ones whom she loves. It feels good to say I can afford it - the 2 hours to laze in bed and do absolutely nothing, the few hundred bucks to splash on a bag, the afternoon to spend reading and crying with the fictional characters, the plastic card to charge Mama's present to.

Life, in every moment, is about me and my happiness. Having no one to account to but yourself, you decide how you want to live you life because you only live once. It could be the devil's partner-in-crime whispering in my ear, but lately I've been hearing little creatures asking in chorus "Why wait? Why not now? You only live once!" 

It has given me more courage to do the things that I've "always wanted to do", to strike things off the bucketlist without worrying so much about consequences and regrets, and go step outside of my comfort zone because when you consciously remind yourself that you truly only live once, you look at life differently. You no longer wait for that opportune date/time to do that one thing you'll want to remember for life. There is no grandiose moment; there is only the here and now. And you embrace it. 

So ladies and gentlemen, remember, YOLO. So whatever it is - a city you've always wanted to explore, the stranger you've always wanted to kiss, the tattoo that you've always wanted on your lower back - whatever it is, just do it, and do it right now. See you on the other side! 

hello 2013

It's been awhile, and much has changed. The calender has turned another page; it's 2013. Half a year later, the world feels like a different place.

2012 saw the closing of many chapters, including a particularly long one involving a certain man I met and fell in love with 4 years ago. Yes, it broke my heart, but we grow up into different persons from who we were and then life goes on. We move on.

On a happier note, 2012 saw me toss my mortar board into the air with great joy. I finally made it out of school, after 16 years. Woah, such a long time! My thesis was bound into a book and found a place on the library shelves. I'm immensely proud that I wrote on a topic close to my heart and dedicated the most important essay that I've ever written to the girls who fought and sweat and bled alongside with me on the field - my touchrug girls. In the same year, we also won the IVP championships, after a 4 year drought. Champions!

Enough of closures, 2012 marked many new beginnings as well, such as that of adulthood. In the span of 3 months, I went for no less than 10 interviews, got myself so stressed up that I almost decided to go back to school and then landed with 3 job offers, although not simultaneously. I rejected the first, accepted the second, tendered within a month and finally found myself back at HDB. It's the perfect first job, because it felt like homecoming, going back to where I knew I'd be happy.

I travelled a fair bit in 2012 as well. Right after graduation I took a holiday in Bali with the family, then G and I went to Vietnam in the later part of year as friends, and we also went to Bintan for a short getaway with our other friends. And as the year drew to an end, I went on a long trip to visit my lovely, lovely grandparents, who turned 80 as the rest of the world turned 2013.

It's been an arduously long time since I last saw my grandparents and spent time with my aunties, uncles and cousins who love me and dote on me as if I were the only baby at home. Oh, how I've missed them! I think somewhere along the way I've forgotten how many people in the world truly love me with all their hearts. Before 2012 ended, I remembered, thankfully. I found respite from all that heartache, and then strength to cross over to the other side.

The first moments of 2013 were spent with those who love me most and love me best. And for the rest of my life, I'll always remember the happy smiles on the faces of my grandparents as they clinked glasses at the end of the first day of the new year, wishing each other a long life of love and happiness. This is love, and in 2013, I hope I find love.