love's tough

love's tough

Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s the extra time I have to sit alone and think. I found the last few days exceptionally draining and tiring. It’s not so much the physical exhaustion; it’s the sudden emotional burn out that took me by surprise. There are even moments when I find it hard to breathe.

I feel an urgent need to get away for a day, to be alone. I’m tired of trying so hard, of being in someone else’s shoes. I feel let down by myself. I think I haven’t been loving myself enough.

Relationships are never easy. Recently, in the face of life and its madness, love seemed especially tough. Promises are rendered tiny by priorities. And when these burdens aren’t mine to cast aside, I simply don’t know what to do. There is nothing I can do.

But I don’t want to be the one who gave up on someone I love. I don’t want to look back and realize I didn’t try hard enough.

I’m torn between me and you. But there’s no third way out. What do I do? Do we have to lose before we learn?

forget you not

forget you not

6am, on the couch of your living room,
because we knew we'll miss you.
Take care down South, and update your blog, woman!

i scored!

i scored!

This is going to be a completely show-off post. I have no idea how to write it without sounding at the least slightly arrogant. Hahaha. But I'm gonna go ahead anyway.

I am really pleased with how I've been playing in the Summer Touch League so far! Usually I play two games every Saturday - one with the Hwa Chong girls for Youth League, and the other with NUS for Women's. It's really tiring, but also really satisfying.

Last week, I saved a try by chasing a girl and then diving for her as she looked back. Oh it felt great! This week, I broke through the centre on attack, ran my heart out, outran this angmoh girl, and scored! It was rather melodramatic - the rain was lashing down on us, our boots were completely soaked, the girl was tight on me until I accelerated somehow and got ahead of her according to my friends. It wasn't like a crucial try or anything, but it was shiok!

Okay, I think the best I can do is keep my irritating post short. Hahaha. Can't wait for next week!

what i've been up to

what i've been up to

I haven't had time to update about so many things! It's been so busy that I'm almost crossing over to Facebooking everything because there simply isn't enough time to blog. So here're some of the things that I've been up to while this page remains in a state of hiatus. 2009 has been awesome so far!

11/02/2009
Mambo with the girls.

07/02/2009
CNY gathering at my place.

06/02/2009
CNY gathering at Phuay's place.

30/01/2009
Andee's birthday bash (though he's not in the picture HAHA)
at Double-O with the Sheares people.

24/01/2009
Post-IVP and Pre-CNY BBQ at Xueting's place with the touchrug girls.

December 2009
Lunch with the hockey girls when Shiyan came back!

decisions & reflections

decisions & reflections

Between this year and the last, I think I've made more decisions than I ever had in my entire life. These are decisions that will affect my future directly, so I've been doing alot more thinking than I usually do about decisions. Edging towards adulthood is scary! 

When I applied for university, I was hoping to get into law at either NUS or SMU. It's not that I have a particular interest in law, but I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, and I wanted to make a real difference in people's lives. When I didn't get in, I tried for the University Scholar's Programme with NUS instead. I'm not entirely sure what it's about, but I do know it's rather prestigious. And finally after a disastrously political interview, I applied for the Language Preparation Programme (LPP, which allows me to take French and then go for SEP in either France or Switzerland, where I'd do my exchange modules in French), so that I would be doing something different in FASS. 

To be honest, I don't think I'll be as happy in law as I am in FASS, but I used to think being in FASS does not do justification to my A levels results. It was partly due to hearsay, and partly due to simple social expectations and the prestige of a career in law. But now, I'm just very glad to be genuinely interested and intrigued by what I'm studying.

Last semester, I put in quite abit of time and effort for French, and the result slip showed a B+. I thought the grade didn't quite justify the amount of work. After much thought, I decided to press on with it this semester and took French 2.

Recently, after looking through more SEP options, I withdrew from the LPP, and decided to go elsewhere for SEP. I thought long and hard about it, weighed each option with its outcome, and came to this decision. It's not cowardice; it's priorities. I want to spend my time pursuing a double-major in Sociology and Lit instead. 

Of course, once in awhile I'll wonder what would it be like if I had gone ahead to France or Switzerland. The culture, the language, the beauty. Then again, I'm sure I'll have equally exciting and precious memories made in whichever country I end up in. Whatever it is, it's definitely not regret. 

roses, gifts and love

roses, gifts and love

After a long morning of Summer Touch League at Turf City, Glenn and I hopped onto Cupid's bandwagon of Valentine's madness and dove into the crowd of bouquet-carrying girls and less happy guys. Hahaha. Yes yes, it's been said a thousand times that Valentine's is over-rated and highly commercialized. I know it perfectly well but I still love this day to bits. It's my favourite day of the year besides Christmas and my birthday!

So anyway, we went to Jack's Place for dinner and skipped past all the couples with no reservations happily. Haha! Oh dear, I'm being so bitchy here but blame the lousy guys who don't plan ahead! Hee. Jack's Place was quite funny; because it was Valentine's, they tried to do everything in heart shapes, INCLUDING MY STEAK! Hahaha. Which of course turned out rather hideous but yummy. :D

A walk by the river afterwards was really nice. There were hearts all over the place and love was very much in the air. Singapore was so romantic for once. Everywhere is on this day. (: I always loved Valentine's Day back in AC - everyone would be lugging huge bags of presents to school early in the morning, balloons and roses would paint the void deck in pinks and reds, and for the only time in the entire year, teachers would even forgive us for skipping classes.

As much as Valentine's has been commercialized, I still think it's a day tailored for love. I also think this is why the economy loves girls like us! Haha. I hope you'all had a day full of love too!

Our table number at Jack's Place.

Him, waiting for food as usual. Haha.

My funny heart-shaped steak. Hahaha.
But A for effort.

These lovely hearts were projected onto the floor outside the Esplanade.

I think this would be what they call "lonely hearts". HAHA.

Love songs and such.

We camwhored for the longest before taking a nice, unshaky shot.
But I love this photo! (:

Then there was the one on timer.
Quite a nice one too!

I love the Singapore skyline at night, especially The Fullerton.

The one man in the crowd. (:

And then of course there's the customary "could you please help us take a photo because we want to remember this Valentine's Day" shot.

So yes, Happy Valentine's!

what driest month

what driest month

About a week ago, the newspapers reported that January 2009 was the driest month Singapore has seen in 10 years. It is expected that the lack of rainfall will continue well into February.

But.

4th February, 1650hrs. Dark clouds gathered. The sky was overcast. One drop. Two drops. THEN THE RAIN START POURING IN TORRENTS OVER NUS!

And me, poor me, happily assuming that the weather forecast is right because we have excellent technology and the world is indeed going crazy, kicked the habit of bringing an umbrella around. Okay fine, I admit, I never had that habit but that's beside the point.

So, here I am, forced to sit in the library to study all by myself. ):

But that's not the worst part. The worst part is, I just happened to pick a long, white skirt to wear today. Long as in so-long-it-sweeps-the-floor long. It's so ruined, even if the rain stops.

Friends, do NOT believe in weather forecasts! Even those in newspaper reports. Eeks!