not smart enough

not smart enough

I am so depressed about the GP paper. I don't feel so secure about getting an A anymore. ): My essay was so short and half-baked, it doesn't feel like a very good essay to me at all. It took me 3tries to write the right introduction and 35minutes to start writing my essay, which left me with less than an hour. Not very good at all.

Halfway through, I started thinking about the irony of the situation. Here I was, worrying about the quality of one of the most important essays I'm writing in my life, and the topic of the essay goes "The word failure should not be allowed in education." Ha! So does that mean I get a second chance at writing if I screw this up? NO. Failing in your major exam deems you a failure, fullstop.

My problem with the introduction was a stupid one. Due to the nature of the question, I wanted to start the essay with the example about how young animals can't even stand up when they're born, and they have to try and fail and try again. So if nature dictates that education should provide second chances, we shouldn do away with the concept of failure in our education system everywhere and yada yada. Sounds quite cool right? BUT THEN, I freaking forgot what the young of a horse, pony, deer and even a cow called! Then it struck me - KID! The kid is the young of the sheep! Eh.. But wait, is it the sheep or goat?? Not very smart to start an essay sounding all bimbotic and stupid huh. So I scraped the idea. Damn!

Then I toyed with the idea of an eaglet having to plunge off the cliff before its first majestic flight, but somehow it didn't seem to link to the question. So in the end I used the so-not-original example of the 14yrold Japanese dropout who severed the head of an 11yrold and delivered it to his former with a note stuffed in the corpse's head saying "This is my revenge to the compulsory education system". It was from the GP package last year, much to my dissatisfaction. And from there on my whole essay was practically based on the East Asian education system, which renders the scope limited. Plus my conclusion was so hastily done, with the point about Western education failing to address culture assimilation and blah blah thrown in on a last thought.

So bad. ): A levels are so hard, and I feel so daunted already.

Paper2 was okay I guess. The invigilator guy made a brainless blunder and announced 5mins when there was 15mins, and gave us all a good shock. But still, my AQ wasn't as long as I wanted it to be and I only had 2 full analyzed points. Let's hope I get full marks for Summary and Vocab, how's that? Haha!

I am really upset and worried about my GP right now, BUT YES I KNOW I HAVE TO GET OVER IT! Meng, stop harping on it, STOP. You have like, 7 papers ahead of you to ace (and stop thinking you can't ace your Math because if you can screw up your GP you can so ace your Math) so let's go, move on with life and go study for the rest! What's done is done and it has become something you cannot change. So go do something productive and useful that will get you out of this rut.

Okay, I can do this I can do this because I've taken so many exams in life and I've been doing fine, so it'll be no exception this time. Eeeks!

I want to go out and have a Halloween party too. All you lucky people dressing up as witches, vampires, sexy bunnies or Frankenstein, have fun and collect some candies for me. :D

And on a side note, I'm pretty glad I've decided to keep this blog locked for the time being. (:

Now I'm off to morph into a Math Genius!